Motivation, I know what to do why don't I do it - Part 2

Hello and welcome to the Gastric Health Show. My name is Dawn Boxell, Registered Dietitian, and this week we are just continuing the interview with Dr. Kristen Lloyd. She’s a highly accomplished psychotherapist, transformational mindset coach, college educator and consultant. She’s also a certified reque master certified, hypnotherapist certified EFT tapping practitioner, and a bestselling author of her book, bariatric Mindset Success and Release Your Regain. So if you haven’t listened to part one of this conversation, I would encourage you to start there first and then finish up with the part two of this interview. In today’s topic, motivation. I know what to do. Why don’t I do it?

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:00:55):

The thing is that, so there’s the physical abuse, there’s the sexual abuse, there’s

Dawn (00:01:04):

Emotional.

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:01:06):

Yes. I have a client, a verbal, yes. I have a client right now. Her parents would give her the silent treatment as a child, as a form of punishment. So essentially what you grow up to internalize is not so much I’m invisible, but I don’t matter. So you have that. Yeah. As a child, I don’t matter. And here’s another one. I don’t matter. And the thing, and I see this a lot, is women. Cause I work mostly with women whose mothers put them on diets at five and seven and nine. I pick an age,

Dawn (00:01:56):

It doesn’t

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:01:57):

Matter. They did it and and the diet started early and so their worth was equated. So now we’re trying to pull apart. Your worth is not equal to the scale. They cannot conceptualize it because when you’ve been told that your entire life, your worth is equal. So then what you create is a dynamic of a fight with food. Because food in a lot of ways is a socially acceptable outlet. And it’s absolutely, and it’s commercialized. Bridget Jones diary is my favorite example where she goes through her breakup and she’s having, I don’t remember if it was Hagans or Ben and Jerry’s, very, we’re not going to get out of food is celebration. We’re not going to change. But when you work with somebody who’s lost 40, 50 pounds and their spouse takes them out to dinner, it creates a different dynamic because, and I’m getting, but then food is reward and it really disrupts a change in how they see food and how they interact with food and their relationship with themselves.

(00:03:27):

Validating. Nurturing or not versus escaping. But then the other part is eat this. Right? So cultures, depending on your culture, eat this. Why aren’t you eating da da da da da. And then don’t get fat. Right. Eat, eat, eat. Don’t get fat. Eat, eat, eat. Don’t get fat. Yeah. So it’s really disruptive. Yeah. So confusing. It’s so confusing. And then your worth potentially is equal to your weight. Yeah. You’re not worthy unless you’re over here. And then there’s multiple levels of that societally. Yeah. Don’t speak up. We have, right now what we have is a whole generation of women. And I say these four phrases and they’re all like, yes, children should be seen and not heard. Yeah. Don’t cry. Or I’ll give you something to cry about trying to, maybe that was just it, but it’s like, yeah, don’t be seen. Don’t use your voice, don’t speak up. Be quiet, be demure.

(00:04:48):

And so we have these going to use the word, but not everybody is. But essentially we have a whole lot of people who are like, how can I take care of you? And I grew up Catholic, so let’s just throw that in there too. Right? Yep. It’s like, you must suffer, you must have pain, you have no value. It’s like, right. So how do you, more confusing. How do you navigate? And now you’re taking away my binky the only thing that has sustained me through life. So all of that to say, yeah, you know what to do, why don’t I do it? Yep. Pick one. Yeah. Because it’s terrifying to look inward when you’ve never, your entire, how you’ve been validated is through the lens of what you do for others. Yeah. You’ve been protecting by avoiding your own authentic authenticity, integrity, and any knowledge of self. Your whole, how you’ve lived your life is by rejecting Yeah. Self-care at its most basic. Sure. You can go get your nails done, you can go get your hair done, you can get a massage, but

Dawn (00:06:23):

Right. I

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:06:23):

Know Dawn, that’s not authentic.

Dawn (00:06:26):

No. Right.

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:06:29):

Your focus is on the very basic pleasure, which isn’t actually. So it’s such a very little pleasure because here’s the other thing I’m not allowed to feel or receive because the caveat is waiting for the other shoe to drop and not fully allowing enjoy or real pleasure. Real pleasure. Which there’s levels of pleasure because of the focus of others, but am I worth it? So there’s a pattern of self-esteem and unworthiness. But if you’re busy focused on everybody else,

Dawn (00:07:17):

You’re not even,

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:07:17):

Of course the only pleasure is whatever you can steal in the short term,

Dawn (00:07:26):

You pick those massages and those nails and the hair because,

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:07:32):

But you go home to what?

Dawn (00:07:35):

Yeah. The same thing.

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:07:38):

Or you go to a shift and your heart’s breaking because you haven’t learned how to put properly. It’s not just boundaries, like protect yourself. If you’re somebody who’s highly empathetic and there’s, you go to work and you have a patient. If we’re talking about nurses and you see horrible stuff and you carry it, you don’t know how to put your stuff down and you’ve not dealt with the stuff that you endured and you’re invisible. Yes. And then, okay, so if it’s a choice of going to the cafeteria and getting french fries or eating your, I don’t know, chicken and veggies for lunch.

Dawn (00:08:31):

Exactly. Yeah.

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:08:33):

Where are people turning? Because it’s

Dawn (00:08:37):

So interesting. So if we’re discussing, we’re talking about their life, they have a lot of baggage from their past. They may be working in an environment where they get stuck and freeze because trauma, because they are in healthcare or they’re in some type of service industry where they see bad things or they experience

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:09:04):

Secondary trauma, bad things, secondary trauma, maybe where we say primary trauma is they happen to it. They happens in them. Secondary trauma happens in healthcare where you’re witnessing it. So for the physiological trauma piece, somatic experiencing, finding a, working with a somatic experiencing practitioner. Yeah. Highly recommend for doing something. I mentioned earlier, parts work is going to be huge. Very important. It’s called if f s Internal family systems. Yeah. I think that’s important for getting in. I use the term the inner child, but it could be an inner adolescent. It could be any inner 20 year old. Yeah. And that’s another way to look at and deal with trauma in terms of different parts of the self. So sometimes when we talk about sabotage, there could be a part of you that’s rebelling. And so it is important to look at why or what part of you if, look, I know what to do and yeah, I had this, but why am I struggling with this very specific pattern?

(00:10:35):

Often with, if f s is, people are stuck in a feedback loop that’s not necessarily a habit loop, but a feedback loop based on the trauma. So they’re very, if f s internal family systems talks about unburdening the exile. So the exile is the part of you that is that traumatized part of you. And there are protectors or gatekeepers that kind of protect that part of you from being vulnerable. And then the firefighter is the part that comes in whenever there’s a trigger, the firefighter is the one that engages in the, what we would call the alternative behavior. Because it’s not always eating. It could be Amazon shopping or drinking alcohol or gambling or, cause we know that those things exist. And this is something that is used in with addictions. It’s used with trauma. So I fs ifs, I mean, yes, can cognitive behavioral therapy.

(00:11:51):

I think D B T over D B T, dialectical behavior therapy is a form of C B T. I would pick D B T over C B T all day long because of the four components of D B T, interpersonal effectiveness, emotion regulation. I work with peeps all the time that literally say to me, I have no idea what I’m feeling. Yeah. I have no idea. No idea. I have worksheets where I go through the 11 core emotions. I have emotions list. Even with emotion lists, they need to put almost like a match. Fear looks like this, or this is what it looks like when, oh, it’s almost like they have to do a match. GUST shows up. This is where sadness shows up. This is where anger is a big one. I’ve met a lot of people afraid to be angry. Oh, wow. Cause it, they’re afraid of exploding because that also violates the good girl.

(00:13:06):

Very true. Yeah. So interpersonal effectiveness, emotion regulation, mindfulness skills. Okay. Distress tolerance is the fourth one. So the other thing, I have a whole training in my group program on low frustration tolerance, low frustration tolerance is something that comes both with depression and a D H D executive functioning issues. So I talk about and teach different skills to work through low frustration tolerance. Because what I see, and I don’t talk about it in terms of learned helplessness, but a lot of times what happens is people experience a stressor and they get to a point and then they’re like, I can’t do this anymore. Instead of working through a point of resilience instead. Because the idea of growth is to work through. And so I’ll talk a lot about post-traumatic growth. We’ve heard about post-traumatic stress, stress disorder, post-traumatic stress symptoms, but there’s also resilience. And we’ve, you’ve probably seen the memes. I don’t want to be resilient, especially after covid, I’m done with being resilient. Yeah, I get that. Yeah. We also need to look at post-traumatic growth and the transformation. Not we are Right. The trauma that we went through or that different bariatric patients have gone through. Right. It’s not your fault. I get it. It’s not your fault.

(00:15:14):

Wound is not our fault.

Dawn (00:15:16):

Right.

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:15:18):

But the healing, that’s our responsibility. And I know it doesn’t just end there. Yeah. We all have the compassion, have the empathy, and we get to choose when to do that healing. Right. What’s not purposeful is the shame and the blame. Yes. From not being ready. Because sometimes we need to get ready to do that work.

Dawn (00:15:48):

Yeah. Yeah. Because there’s many times that, you know, do a questionnaire. A lot of times I’ll ask readiness to change questions. Where are you in this process to know, is this really a good time to work with me? I mean, are you ready to really commit and do things? Right. And it’s interesting because usually the answers are all yes, yes. Are all fives. Yes, I’m ready out of to do this. And then you start doing things and then they’re like, well wait. Well, maybe not that. I’m not ready to do that. So I dunno,

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:16:30):

Have you seen the little, and I literally posted this in my group yesterday, my group from the women who are in my group program. It’s this little G or giff. Yeah. This little boy, like a toddler where he’s running forward and then all of a sudden he’s like, and he turns around and runs back. And I see that too. I see that too. And so where I challenge people is I don’t challenge him with empathy, but I show up with the empathy and the compassion to say, I know this is hard. I’m not saying it’s not

Dawn (00:17:18):

Right.

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:17:20):

And this isn’t an expectation to be here if you are not ready to do this work, which is what you wanted to, this is what you came here for. You came to go from here. I don’t even know if this is going to be visual or not, but it’s like from here to here.

Dawn (00:17:42):

Yes.

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:17:45):

But you’re actually here. You’re way back here.

Dawn (00:17:49):

Yeah.

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:17:49):

Not because I said so, but because the steps that you need to take here not willing to take or you’re not ready to take, and blaming and shaming is not going to, it’s, I’m like, babe, it’s not going to get you there. It’s just not. So you’ve got to be okay with emotionally coming back to this place to examine your own readiness of who am I? What can I commit to?

Dawn (00:18:24):

Yes. Realistically, yes. That you would take some baby steps in the right direction, at least,

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:18:33):

And zero judgment. But I feel like I have to say this just because it’s like, it’s so, it’s like you can’t be here and eat chicken nuggets and mac and cheese every day and have an expectation or be pissed off that you are not losing weight. I love you so much. I wait nothing to be in that reality. And I’ve had, it’s like, okay, so we’ve got to go back here because if there’s, it is about the food, but it’s not about the food. And so if you are not ready to change that, then what we need to work on is your emotional attachment to that thing. What does it mean? What are you getting from it? Yeah. Because it may not be ready to let that go. And that’s okay. But you also need to let go of the fight of trying to push your body into submission. Yep. Because it’s, it’s not working.

Dawn (00:19:49):

No. The expectations do not line up with the behaviors or the readiness for those behaviors.

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:19:57):

Correct. Correct. Correct.

Dawn (00:19:59):

You are just maybe just not ready. You’re just not. Okay. And that’s okay, I think. Do you find that people have a hard time kind of even understanding

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:20:12):

Sometimes. I mean, sometimes. Because there is I want it, I want it. I want it.

Dawn (00:20:21):

Yes.

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:20:21):

And I think I’m going to say something very controversial in the wake of the new medications.

Dawn (00:20:31):

Oh, I’m glad you did. I was wanting to talk about this

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:20:36):

In the wake of the new medication. I think there are some people undoubtedly who really need it.

Dawn (00:20:43):

Hundred percent.

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:20:45):

And I also think that there are people who are, I’m going to use the word emotionally bypassing because they’re not ready to address their internal, psychological, emotional attachment to food or even their attachment to drama. I’m going to use the term drama, but it could be as a result of trauma.

Dawn (00:21:16):

And

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:21:18):

Again, the trauma’s not their fault, but their attachment to the drama through their own healing process is their responsibility to look at, okay,

Dawn (00:21:34):

Yep.

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:21:34):

What’s showing up here? What part of, what pattern is that a part of? And it’s easier, it’s a tool. The medication is a tool, but it’s easier to say what? Give me that thing, then let me go to therapy.

Dawn (00:21:48):

Yeah.

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:21:50):

If that’s the case, if The other thing is, and you may know this if this is stepping over me now.

Dawn (00:22:03):

Yeah, no, you’re good. There

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:22:06):

Are probiotics.

Dawn (00:22:08):

Oh yeah. They’re

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:22:08):

Fully available in the last couple of years that increased GLP one. They’re a lot cheaper.

Dawn (00:22:18):

I think we track the same with this. The new medication or the newly promoted, we’ll say there, they’re not necessarily brand new to market. There are newer ones and there are newer ones coming to market. And to me, there’s a time and a place for all these tools in the right scenario. Because for some people I find that that is maybe the only tool that if they don’t want a surgery, but they want something to help bridge them to the other side.

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:22:58):

Absolutely. Absolutely.

Dawn (00:22:59):

That’s when you take advantage of that. But

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:23:03):

I had surgery, I’ve used the tool. I’ve worked my tool. I’ve had regain from hormones from trying to get pregnant.

Dawn (00:23:16):

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:23:16):

Decided it’s time to pivot and my tool still works.

Dawn (00:23:24):

Right. Surgery,

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:23:25):

My tool still works. I had to pivot. I had to work on all of the things. And so that’s a very deeply personal thing. And to make a choice when you’re going through this, what I mean by this is to make a choice whether to get on the medication, it can be prescribed to you and you still have an opportunity to make a choice. Or there, I’m sure that there are some people who are asking for it. There’s some people who they’re hesitant about it. There’s a lot of different scenarios.

Dawn (00:24:12):

Yes.

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:24:13):

The thing that I’m apprehensive about is the research that says, once you’re on it, correct me if I’m wrong, because you probably know more, you can’t really get off or else.

Dawn (00:24:23):

Yeah. I mean, I think there are some people that are noticing that they can maintain loss. That is, to me, that’s the genetic piece. If I had the genetics and if I could connect the dots of where they struggle with their symptoms and all of that, you put all of those pieces together, those are the people that probably have the genetics, that they can lose weight from exercise. They can lose weight from following good nourishing food as the majority of the time, and staying away from the package processed, ultra processed foods. Those are the things that aren’t going to serve us with a healthy weight. So to me, I think some of those people that can maintain a loss, could they have potentially achieved that outside of the medication? Maybe if they probably had their hormones evaluated, they were addressing their sleep, they were addressing their stress levels, and they were really looking at the whole body. They were putting the whole body as one unit. Then I think maybe some of those people could have maybe done it without the medication because they weren’t. Again, that is healthcare. We are in a model where we don’t look at the body as one system. So no one’s asking, do you even sleep seven hours a night? And if you sleep seven hours a night, how good of quality of sleep did you get? And how do you manage your stress? No one’s asking those questions at your physician’s office. None.

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:26:09):

Yeah. So

Dawn (00:26:11):

Again, I think you get into those scenarios. To me, it’s a great tool. But right now, I think it’s an easy way for people to think and get confused that, oh, you can’t lose weight without that tool. That’s, look at all these people who are losing weight. And that’s the only way that you can lose weight. That’s where I struggle.

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:26:40):

I I’m going to give a plug

Dawn (00:26:43):

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:26:44):

Strength training. Yes. Because

Dawn (00:26:51):

For sure

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:26:52):

When I pivoted for me, and I had zero expectations, I had zero. There was no, I’m going to lose X by Y. There wasn’t that. The focus was on being healthier for longevity.

Dawn (00:27:17):

Absolutely.

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:27:18):

And then when people started asking me, what are you doing? I’m strength training. That’s pretty much it. And kind of giving myself some more boundaries. I personally, I don’t talk with clients on this, but I have no problem with the world knowing I also follow a 16 eight.

Dawn (00:27:50):

Do you? Yeah. Yeah.

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:27:52):

Sometimes a 10, 14, 10.

Dawn (00:27:55):

Okay. Yeah.

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:27:57):

I’m not rigid about it though. Yeah. I listen to my body. But that’s the other piece is I may be bordering on another very controversial thing, but I am not a huge proponent of teaching intuitive eating right off the bat.

Dawn (00:28:30):

Yeah.

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:28:32):

Of my clients cannot intuitively eat. Otherwise, they would intuitively eat three boxes or three bags of chips or kes or, cause they are not attuned and it’s not, it’s really, really hard to cause that I went pre-op to an intuitive eating nutritionist who was like, oh yeah, there’s nothing wrong with Cheerios, Kristen, you’ve got a problem. If you’re eating the whole box, you’ve got a problem if you’re eating the whole box. And so that’s where really being attuned to your physiology. Yep. Because you can’t intuitively eat if you’re emotionally eating, what is my specialty? Emotional eating. Meaning helping people to heal from emotional eating.

Dawn (00:29:34):

Yeah.

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:29:36):

I feel that sometimes it’s shaming people to say just intuitively, but if you have been taught based on everything we just said.

Dawn (00:29:48):

Yeah.

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:29:49):

That you’ve been taught to cut yourself off from your feelings, from your body, from your emotions, from your needs, from your core needs.

Dawn (00:30:01):

Yep.

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:30:02):

That’s a foreign concept.

Dawn (00:30:04):

Yep.

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:30:05):

You, you’ve got to go way back to learning basic. We’re not even talking eating cues.

Dawn (00:30:12):

No. Like

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:30:13):

Basic cues. Yeah. I’ve got folks that, one of the things that I’ll do, this is where somatic experiencing helps, is I’ll say, I just want you to touch your fingers together.

Dawn (00:30:24):

Yeah.

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:30:25):

You just tell me, can you feel this? Can you be present just right here? Or wiggle your toes and feel your toes on the floor. Very basic. And then they’re there. And then they’re off again. And that’s okay. But this whole movement into intuitive eating way too fast for some folks, and then there’s a lot of shame that comes up.

Dawn (00:30:55):

Oh, I can imagine. Yeah. Because they felt like they probably failed at even doing, being able to do that. So you’re right back to where you started.

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:31:07):

Well, yeah. Because then it’s like, well, I could intuitively eat a dozen donuts.

Dawn (00:31:16):

Right.

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:31:17):

But that’s what they think intuitive eating is, but it’s

Dawn (00:31:20):

Not. Right. Yeah. That’s where I would say I have issues with moderation. Everything in moderation.

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:31:32):

Operational definition. I think because here’s the thing, moderation for one person as a term is, okay, well, I’m allowed to have ice cream sometimes When is sometimes every Tuesday and Thursday. I need to know what sometimes is. We have to, that’s where, because I used to tell myself, I can have pizza sometimes, Don, I eat pizza five days a week prior to surgery. Not Right. Or before surgery. Not right before surgery, but when I was in grad school.

Dawn (00:32:10):

Oh yeah.

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:32:12):

It was Whoa. And so the thing was is I had no concept that I’m lying to myself.

Dawn (00:32:21):

No. Right.

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:32:23):

Because you can have it sometimes. Right. Okay. To have sometimes when sometimes becomes every day, and you’re not conscious of the lies that you’re telling yourself. Or tomorrow, I’m going to start tomorrow, I’m going to start tomorrow. I’m going to start tomorrow. Tomorrow, by the way, I’m going to start Monday. Oh, it’s Monday. Okay. I’ll start tomorrow.

Dawn (00:32:45):

I think there’s a time and a place after someone has done the work, the mental, the emotional work, then they’ve kind of graduated through mindful. Yes. Essence, mindful of their feelings, their emotions. They have maybe, I don’t believe their attachments,

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:33:07):

The attach, the attachment. Now, attachment in this term. What I mean by attachment is if it’s still your My precious.

Dawn (00:33:15):

Yes.

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:33:16):

If it’s still, you’re highly attached. Yeah. You’re very attached. And so is that something that you can trust yourself with?

Dawn (00:33:29):

Correct.

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:33:29):

Yeah. Is there any self trust or does it create a fear response of, well, I have to get it all now because I’m never going to get it again. And this, it creates almost like that famine frenzy,

Dawn (00:33:45):

All or nothing type mindset. All or nothing mindset. Black and white. There’s no gray. It’s complex. It’s

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:33:53):

Complex. It’s very complex.

Dawn (00:33:57):

And it’s going to take a lot of work.

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:34:00):

It’s going to take a lot of work,

Dawn (00:34:02):

Whether you have bariatric surgery, whether you use a medication.

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:34:08):

And I think the main thing is really looking at and being honest with yourself. Not even about the food. I think I meet a lot of people who are really struggled with food journaling because of the shame and because of diet mentality, because of all or nothing. My thing that I say is, it’s just data. It’s just a data point.

Dawn (00:34:34):

Yep. It’s just

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:34:35):

Data. And it is tell it, giving you information. And if you’re unwilling or you create meaning out of that information that is used to self-harm, like shame, then you’re also an active, you’re complicit.

Dawn (00:34:57):

Yeah, absolutely. That’s another

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:34:58):

Word we’re using. A lot of different, yeah. You’re complicit in self-harm.

Dawn (00:35:05):

Right.

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:35:06):

Because you’re not willing to see that there’s a pattern, even if you’re using it as a coping mechanism, even if it’s a protection mechanism. The thing is, there’s such a lack of empathy for self and just the word compassion. Don Dawn, I have folks that they’re in the healthcare field. What is compassion com? And I use Kristen Neff’s. Compassion is not equal to indulgence. She’s a compassion researcher. I believe in Texas. Okay. Kristen Neff. She runs the Compassion Center. Right. Okay. Compassion is not indulgence. Compassion is giving yourself the same kindness.

Dawn (00:35:57):

Yeah.

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:35:58):

The same empathy you would to someone else, but it’s usually not

Dawn (00:36:03):

Return to yourself.

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:36:04):

Correct.

Dawn (00:36:07):

You can give it you it away. You just can’t accept it from yourself or maybe even from others,

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:36:15):

Which has to do with that core wound of self-rejection. Self abandonment, self neglect.

Dawn (00:36:26):

Yeah. Because as humans, as humans, do we not have to, at some point, regardless of how horrible our upbringing was, the amount self

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:36:37):

Preservation,

Dawn (00:36:38):

At some point we have to pause and say, what am I going to do to change where I’m at and where I’m going? And if you never get to that awareness, that even needs to occur, the ability for you to lose and maintain weight at the level you mentally or you are expecting to, is probably unlikely if can, you’re not willing to deal with some of those past hurts.

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:37:13):

I’ve seen people, I’ve seen people lose and maintain weight, Dawn,

Dawn (00:37:20):

But they’re not healthy.

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:37:21):

But they’re not healthy.

Dawn (00:37:22):

Right. A hundred percent agree. Seen that too many times.

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:37:27):

No, because the patterns they may have maintained or have lost the weight,

Dawn (00:37:34):

But they, yeah. Yep. The weight. And I will say again, this whole genetic testing and all of that has really opened my eyes. Because you know, wonder for those patients, even who’ve had bariatric surgery, who have the genetics that they can lose from changing their diet and their lifestyle. And they were just never offered any input or guidance in the direction of really supporting their body and how it truly functions with their hormones and their sleep and all of that. And so they did surgery, and then later you find out that maybe we could have done a different direction. But right here they are. So maybe those people who maybe don’t have their diet or their exercise dialed in after bariatric surgery, but yet they maintain a loss.

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:38:27):

But that could have also been, I don’t know. The first thing I’m thinking is if they’re sleeping well and they’re not stressed and they’re not having, and

Dawn (00:38:39):

The inflammation is gone, we’ve lowered, we’ve gotten rid of the inflammation gone. Yeah. Yeah. All those things shift.

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:38:46):

I noticed two years ago, around this time, 20, 21, think 20. Yeah. 20, 21. I had gotten sick, but not covid. Okay. Like a rest head cold. And my biggest struggle up until that point with food was the creamer in my coffee that my coffee has been my precious. Right. And I could not figure out, I didn’t like almond creamer, I don’t like coconut milk. It didn’t feel the same. It didn’t taste the same. And I had gotten ready to get ready to say, okay, self, we’re going to do, I don’t want congestion and mucus. So are we on board?

Dawn (00:39:42):

Yeah.

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:39:43):

Please. The half and half. Right. It sounds like release the Kraken release, the half and half. Yeah. Okay. So one week became, two became a month. In 30 days, I lost 30 pounds.

Dawn (00:40:05):

Nah, 20

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:40:05):

Pounds. 20 pounds, sorry. 20 pounds. And I saw my doctor, and he’s like 350 calories because I was having about a half a cup. He was like, that’s not going to do that. But inflammation, you could be losing inflammation, weight. And since then, I’ve probably had coffee creamer, the amount of one hand, because it doesn’t shocker. It doesn’t feel good. I think I want a cappuccino. I really want a cappuccino. I just drink it black with Stevia or an Americano with water. I’m like, I really, really want a cappuccino, so I’ll make it a little one and I’ll have a couple sips. And my body is like, Nope.

Dawn (00:41:00):

Yeah. We’re not

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:41:01):

Available for this.

Dawn (00:41:02):

Yeah. Yeah. It’s

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:41:04):

Not lactose. It’s not, it’s just that’s not as dreamy as I thought it would be right up here.

Dawn (00:41:14):

Yep. The

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:41:14):

Fantasy,

Dawn (00:41:18):

But how your body feels from how that food made you feel is, yeah.

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:41:25):

So I’m like so long and it goes in the sink, and then we move on. And so when I say food attachment, I know that the soothing, yummy, wrap yourself in a blanket with that coffee. And that cream meant so much for me, and I’ve adjusted. It’s been two years. I’ve adjusted. Do I still want it? Every once in a while do I try it in a little bitty cup? Yeah. But I also, the attunement, teaching that attunement of listening versus bulldozing, and it’s made a huge, huge shift in not just my weight, but I’m sure in my gut as well.

Dawn (00:42:25):

Absolutely. Yep. Digestion, your gut health. Yeah. All of those things play a role. And then again, when you get dig into the gut, you’re talking inflammation and motility. And I mean, there’s just so many pieces that get discounted because it’s not really a thing in conventional healthcare to really address those. They can’t, they don’t even have time to address the small symptoms. You do experience Right. On how to deal with them. Right. So

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:43:01):

I don’t tell people, drink, don’t drink milk. Right. Do this, don’t do that. That’s not my stuff. But I do ask them to question, when you eat this, what do you notice in your body? I don’t have the same skillset you do to address that. Right. I don’t have the, okay, this could mean this or this could mean this.

Dawn (00:43:28):

But

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:43:29):

I will say, are you attuned? Are you tuning in? What do you notice?

Dawn (00:43:37):

How do foods make you feel when it comes down to it? If your body is telling you something?

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:43:46):

It’s also the nuanced when not everyone with trauma, but there are certain people, it’s not even specific to a certain trauma. Are they able to be in their body long enough

(00:44:06):

To pay attention? One of the things I learned, I have gone through half of the somatic experiencing training. So what I learned in some of my introductory year was, one of the things that shows up in terms of that interception tuning into the body is when people are, I’m using the word dissociated, but what I really mean is when they’re not connected, when they’re not tuned in to what’s showing up, because that’s too scary to be here if the trauma happened, and an example is sexual trauma, sexual trauma victims would dissociate. They’re not there when it’s happening because that was safer to leave their bodies. So one of the things that shows up is do, there’s a struggle with hunger. They don’t know when they’re hungry, which also shows up, actually, interestingly with people who have executive functioning issues, there’s a whole realm of eating. And a D H D is, okay, I’ll eat later. Because there’s some that can happen with hyperfocus, but it’s also, it’s separate from the reason or behind it, the trauma. The other piece is the urge to urinate or defecate the urge. Really, it comes on sharply because they’re not attuned

Dawn (00:45:48):

With

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:45:48):

Their bodies. And so if you’ve ever worked with someone who’s like, oh my gosh, I have to be so bad now, is it that they’ve noticed for the last 30 minutes and they just haven’t said anything? Is it that they haven’t noticed the onset? And so that’s, that’s another huge cue of am I able to, it’s not just mindfulness, mindfulness being in the present, but noticing bodily sensations, different ballgame.

Dawn (00:46:27):

Yeah. It’s really kind of a powerful way to, if you just pause and really be in tune with

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:46:38):

If you can,

Dawn (00:46:40):

Can, and getting into that learn if you can’t, like, okay, I don’t

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:46:46):

Understand. And that’s where there needs to be some somatic experience seeing a training, because that can even be activating to say, Hey, be in your body. It’s like,

Dawn (00:47:02):

Yeah, that’s true.

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:47:03):

So that’s where my only caution is if you’re really struggling with being in your body, that may be where you need that. You need, and you’re not going to go to a run of the mill like, Hey, I need therapy. I have trouble being in my body. It’s like, you really need somebody well-versed in somatic experiencing or a form of somatic therapy.

Dawn (00:47:27):

Okay. So then they can get the healing so that they can actually feel the feelings, and then they can have that awareness to food

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:47:39):

And other things

Dawn (00:47:41):

And life. Yes. Things in life. Yes. Yeah. Yes.

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:47:44):

And I’m sure you’ve heard, when the body keeps score, when the body says, no, these are great hot topic books right now. And they all go back to the body. And I think maybe we were discussing this in our email exchange, potentially, but it also, another word, I promise not to go down on a rabbit hole, but this is also where that neuroimmunology comes in, or Yeah. Is that mind body connection, that mind body health is, it’s a two-way street. A lot of times people, C B T is top down, but a lot of body-based somatic interventions are bottom up. And there’s a lot more bottom up. There’s a lot. Our body is constantly informing us. But if we’re like, Hey, I’m not available that my sign is turned

Dawn (00:48:51):

Off. Yep. We’re

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:48:52):

Not going to be receiving that powerful in information, or you’re not going to know what to do with it. But our bodies are constantly communicating with us beyond, I’m fuller, I’m hungry.

Dawn (00:49:06):

Yep. Yeah. So interesting. I mean,

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:49:11):

Not maybe where you thought we were going to go,

Dawn (00:49:14):

But No, all good. I wanted

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:49:15):

Dawn (00:49:17):

Bring in

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:49:17):

Some other things because it’s deep.

Dawn (00:49:21):

It is. And I think especially the bariatric community, this, I

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:49:28):

Feel, I’m just laughing because I can’t tell you. Can you just tell me how to lose weight?

Dawn (00:49:33):

I know. I, I

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:49:39):

Lose weight. I love you so much. Work that way. It

Dawn (00:49:43):

Doesn’t work

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:49:43):

That way. At least not my exploration of it.

Dawn (00:49:46):

No, no. Heck no. No. Yeah. And I get that though. I mean, as a female and a mother of four and working, I mean, it is hard to not ignore your needs and really do the work. And I would say I noticed that, and not even having the education really behind it. I did observe that because working at a large bariatric center, we did, I mean, I’ve seen tens of thousands of ’em. And it was, you got to see trends. You got to see similarities in how certain people responded after surgery. And that is one that it was like, okay, yeah, they needed some support way before they got to this surgery.

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:50:47):

I will not usually see the folks that are smooth sailing. They’re even, to use that word, moderation. Yeah. I don’t, I don’t see those. I don’t see the folks who are doing the things, why would they need me? They wouldn’t. So I see the folks who are struggling with body image, with behaviors, with essentially, who am I? They usually don’t say that. Yeah. It usually is a function of what are you going to get from losing the weight? How happy are you? Where do you find meaning in your life? What’s showing up?

Dawn (00:51:47):

Yeah.

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:51:48):

How is this journey going to grow you? And they’re like, oh my gosh, what do you mean? I just wanted

Dawn (00:51:54):

To lose weight.

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:51:55):

I just wanted to lose weight. Yeah. It’s like, okay. Again, the folks that have gotten there, usually it’s not when, it’s sometimes a matter of time where they’re not able to maintain or sustain due to depression, anxiety, the underlying core issues that was

Dawn (00:52:21):

There. Yeah.

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:52:22):

Yeah.

Dawn (00:52:23):

It was there prior. It was

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:52:24):

There. Prior. It was always there. And I see the folks who self soothe with food, and that is their primary coping mechanism. And they struggle with, this is another thing I did a training on lately, adulting. Oh, they struggle with adulting. They struggle with life skills. And this is not a negative thing. It’s just that the MO has been, give everybody else the best of you, and you take what’s leftover.

Dawn (00:52:56):

So then they have no, nothing left to grow themselves or get them to a place that they can get what they’re seeking,

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:53:08):

Even to the point of the weight loss.

Dawn (00:53:12):

Right. Because if they, yes. Because at some point, if they can’t come to that awareness that this is where it has to start to get to this end result, that seems like forever. And I have a trip in three months, and I needed this to be resolved, the long play, I want the short play.

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:53:39):

Now I do see some folks that are, okay, they’re struggling with, let’s say, symptoms of executive functioning. And so, okay, let’s work on that. Let’s work on mood. Let’s work on what’s fun, what’s going to get you into action. And so I do see some that are on the mild spectrum, but once they get into a groove and start using those tools, they will take off. It is helpful for them to also navigate self-talk. Perseverance. Yeah. Recognize self-talk is huge. Recognizing their own patterns. And they use those skills. They create new habits. They, everybody has their own cycle. It’s not to say that it’s just, it’s straight shot, it’s not, but they’re taking off faster, let’s say. Yeah. Than the folks who have more of the inner work to do.

(00:54:47):

And it’s the other thing that I won’t ever say to someone, you have to do this before you do this, because I tend to look at healing as a spiral. Some things are going to come back around and come back around and come back around. And you could feel great in your weight and where you are, and you may still be doing some healing, or you may say, okay, I need to check out on my healing right now. And your weight’s maintained. And then you may realize a little while later, I’m not happy with where I am emotionally, internally with life or with my body. So I’m going to it. It’s going to take, it may take many iterations

Dawn (00:55:40):

To get what they’re truly desiring to get to the place.

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:55:44):

And now I’m giving you a very, we haven’t talked about autoimmune disorders. Oh, we haven’t talked about complex autoimmune disorders. Yeah. I see folks who have, and again, I don’t work with them on this, but I have folks that are low fodmap, gluten free.

Dawn (00:56:01):

Yep.

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:56:01):

That have,

Dawn (00:56:03):

Yeah, yeah.

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:56:03):

Theory free or Yeah,

Dawn (00:56:06):

Very. Yes. Where they have, their body is reactive to many foods that really, it’s not all, but their nervous system is contributing to this

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:56:21):

Ibs. P C O S like,

Dawn (00:56:23):

Yes. Oh yes. Yeah. I’m the nutrition side of that. I have those people that they can’t tolerate, but five foods. And it’s like, okay, this is not where you need to be

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:56:40):

Angry because it wasn’t you, but somebody took away their precious

Dawn (00:56:45):

Yeah. Right. Absolutely.

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:56:47):

And having to navigate the emotional side of that. Yeah.

Dawn (00:56:52):

Yes.

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:56:53):

Having flares.

Dawn (00:56:55):

Right, exactly. Yeah. Because at some point, to me, there’s no way that if somebody is that reactive to food that they truly don’t have, but a couple of handfuls of options to eat from on a daily basis that your nervous system isn’t involved. But I get it. Sometimes you need a low FODMAP diet to transition through those phases to support someone so they can at least eat something. Because these work together. They work together, they work together. So Yes. Yes, indeed. So this has been awesome. So this is great. I have, I’ve enjoyed, we’ve had a very good conversation. We’ve know,

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:57:40):

I hope this serves your audience.

Dawn (00:57:43):

Oh, exactly. Yes, it will. So before we end H, where, how can people find you? So where are a website or how if somebody was like, okay, I need to work with you, or I need some of your books, or some of your courses or guides or something, where can they get more from you?

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:58:05):

So my website is Bariatric Mindset Success. So all one phrase bar, www bariatric mindset success.com. Instagram at Bariatric Mindset, Facebook, bariatric mindset. I don’t really use Twitter that much, but if somebody really, I haven’t posted very long time. It’s very mindset. But I’m on Facebook, Instagram, I have not delved into TikTok yet. Yeah. It’s under at bar, it’s at Bariatric Mindset. I have a YouTube bariatric mindset. And then the books, all of my books are on Amazon.

Dawn (00:58:56):

Awesome.

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:58:57):

And audible. And so both of my books are on Audible. And so if you were to type in Bariatric Mindset or Kristen Lloyd into Amazon, you’d be able to

Dawn (00:59:15):

Find them up.

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:59:15):

And then I also have workbooks, a coloring book, and

Dawn (00:59:18):

Awesome. I think that’s awesome. That gives people even a starting point. Get your book, read your book, maybe do a workbook. And then I’ve got

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (00:59:28):

Three courses. I have a couple different free courses on my website. A lot. This stuff that I’ve been talking about today, I would say is newer because it’s a lot more integrated. Some of the stuff that I have on my website is definitely very mind focused, which is still good. Okay. Great stuff. But I would say my newer stuff is really integrating the body, the mind body. The body mind.

Dawn (01:00:07):

Yep. Yep. Which is awesome. I love that. Yeah, so I think it’s awesome if you have tools and resources. So thank you so much, Dr. Lloyd. I have enjoyed this conversation, and hopefully thank you

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (01:00:21):

For inviting me.

Dawn (01:00:22):

Absolutely. Hopefully we can maybe chat again. We’ll find another topic down the road that we can divulge into and have some fun with.

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (01:00:33):

Absolutely.

Dawn (01:00:34):

Yes. Awesome. Yeah. Awesome. Thank you. Okay.

Dr. Kristin Lloyd, PhD (01:00:38):

Thank you. Bye bye-Bye.

Dawn (01:00:39):

Bye-Bye.